The camera pans around the room, the scene, a modern bar full of single, mostly young men and every one of the girls, was seen in a Girls Gone Wild video. The announcer’s voice talks of the pain of the disease. No-one seems to be aware of your pain says the announcer. As the camera flashes on the face of one guy after another, the look of pain on their face, a guy getting shot down by a beautiful woman. The announcers voice fades as you are looking around the room. A guy standing face to face with a goddess, who is just shaking her head ….. NO! NO! NO!, a thousand times NO, she seems to say. None of the actors words are heard, but it’s such a familiar scene to most guys, that they begin to have spasms just by watching the commercial.
GOTCHA. That, is where the drug company wants you, writhing in pain. Now all they have to do is convince you that they have a pill that will solve your problem.
Now we do….. introducing “Youllgetsometrim” the breakthrough medication that will see to it that you get laid TONIGHT!!
Now, a famous actor who suffers from the illness just like you (remember Wilfred Brimley, the guy with diabetes). The camera pans back the other way. A dark back-lit figure is focused on, then front-lit. “Hi” says the actor “you may remember me as “Cliff Clavin” from Cheers “. This, though, he turns and points to a poindexter about to ask out Jessica Simpson, is no laughing matter…….. blah blah blah blah. The announcer in the background has subliminally and suggestively told you to, ask your doctor if “youllgetsometrim” is right for you.
Now for the side effects, and if it wasn’t the law we wouldn’t tell you about them at all, but mainly because they cause problems either worse than the illness, though its hard to believe anything is worse than lack-a-nookie or, the side effects will keep you from doing what it is that you wanted to do, that made you take the pills in the first place. Side effects include but are not limited to, Penis shrinkage, dizziness and vomiting when you lay down or kneel behind someone or when someone straddles you. Intense crotch odor. May increase the instance of premature ejaculations. You must not take “youllgetsometrim” if you are younger than 35 or older than 36. You must never take “youllgetsometrim” if you plan to consume alcohol or touch anyone who has consumed alcohol. Tell your doctor if you have any sudden urges like adopting more animals than your lease allows, especially sheep. Sudden skin lesions, blisters and pockets of puss can form, especially at the point of contact, in some people if they are exposed to latex, in some cases hospitalization may be required……….. OK this is getting long, no pun….. , the side effects just keep coming, they just keep popping up. Make some up yourself, it’s fun and send them to me.
18 October 2012, Just found this great definition for lack-o-nookie on urban dictionary
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